“His response was to fight it with the only weapons at hand—passive resistance and open displays of contempt.” ― Kurt Vonnegut, The Sirens of Titan

“Daddy, what’s a vestibule?”

How the Mob Introduced Americans to Oral Sex | Flashback | OZY http://www.ozy.com/flashback/how-the-mob-introduced-americans-to-oral-sex/61192?ref=otherstories

Social control mechanisms are often phrased as moral questions and imperatives- thou shalt not this, or that, or blow jobs!


The purportedly moral social mechanism and those that uphold, and maintain it, employ narrative fictions to enforce morality.

Here is one of my favorites, from the story of the great Onan the Seed Spillin’ of the Old Testament:

‘The sin of Onan is that he was to take his dead brothers wife, and honor his brother by performing the act of Levirate marriage; to go in unto her and give her a child to honor his brother.’

Well, Onan didn’t exactly do that- instead, he ‘withdrew his member from Tamar, and put his seed on the ground.’

I have to admit- seed spilling isn’t such a bad idea- because, if you pay attention, you will find that those who don’t spill the seeds are those who are doing all the killing around the world today.

Ironic, that.

But there is a scientific explanation for all that killing, and all those killers, who think seed spillers should all be chilled: aggression is the byproduct of storing sperm, rather than dumping it.

In the story of Onan, he met that end, because G-d has a big plan for utilizing aggression, apparently.

Rabbi’s, Catholics and Muslim’s all share one thing in common: they all claim that spilling seed is bad, and keeping women tamed and fallow, like waiting fields, ready at the *drop* of a splat to procreate.

What they can’t seem to agree on is who should put seed where, in who, how often, and at what ‘ price’. Who should control the planting of precious seed?

What are the planting rules?

Because in the narrative fiction, women, and the places they inhabit, are the soil.
And soil is dirty business.

Well God decides all that stuff, they tell us. But Onan didn’t listen, they tell us. So Onan was slewed soundly, smitten from the book of life.

Here’s why: Onan felt that there was no personal honor in it for him- that the child wouldn’t benefit him, but his brothers estate instead. If course, its more complex but you get the idea.

So- sexually repressed, unexpressed, or merely perverse rabbi’s, priests and imam’s all disseminate the same essential narrative fictions about sperm- but only rabbi’s can put it best:

” sperm contains the G-d given sparks of life, and the purpose of G-d was that these sparks are placed into the vessel that is woman, so that children cam be born.”

Voila- endless wars for resources ever since….

It can safely be said that G-d sleweth Onan for something more ideologically pure than merely messing up the floor with his jizz:

1) Onan was not honoring the Jewish covenant that one should holdeth ones seed in ones seed pouch until one becomes sufficiently enraged enough to a) go to war or b) spilleth ones seed to replaceth the children killed by depleted uranium

2) Onan proved himself a threat to humanity by enjoying strings free vagina

3) Onan had denied other men the opportunity of enjoying some planting themselves ( thereby pissibly encouraging the wrath og G-ds minions who had no seed spilling grounds into which to dump jizz, and thus avoid conflict with others who sought juzz dumping rights under G-d)

4) Onan acted selfishly, and worst of all, he didn’t treasure those loving spoonfuls of seed, the way G-d surely does.

5) He acted outside of tribal interest, they tell us, because each menber of the flock can be shorn for profit at some point. And being clipped by the high priests is the name of the game- a strange honor, apparently.

6) some other esoteric stuff that escapes me right now.

EXTRA CREDIT: how mens and womens orgasms are different. Written by a woman, who has never experienced a male orgasm, of course.


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This entry was posted on August 26, 2015 by in Uncategorized.

We’re all so meta that the NSA targets our intellectual detritus.


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